Changing and Waiting
by snapple79
Summary: A McSwarek one-shot set after 4x08 - what happens when Sam finds a drunken Andy left alone in the hotel lobby waiting for cab?


I think finally understanding where Sam's coming from this season inspired this one-shot. It takes place post 4x08, and while sweet and romantic, it does play on some of the angst of the season. Sorry! :)

Don't forget to let me know what you think by leaving a review. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue.

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**Changing and Waiting**

Sam walked out of the ballroom, only a handful of lingering wedding guests still milling around. It was good to see Frank and Noelle happy. But that happiness, along with Oliver's two pep talks throughout the night, had Sam questioning what he was doing with his life. Not that he hadn't already been questioning it for days, ever since he opened up to Marlo and she had yet to reciprocate, despite much prodding from him. Then she suddenly remembered this trip to Miami she apparently had planned for ages. It felt like she was hiding something.

He was lost in thought when he found what his heart, if not his head, had been looking for. Sam was surprised to see Andy sitting in one of the large plush chairs in the lobby, head lying back, eyes closed. He'd seen her leave half an hour ago and wondered if she'd been sitting there the whole time. He regretted not following her out when she left. He'd wanted to talk to her, maybe take her up on that dance, even though he hated dancing.

But he'd kept his distance, and now, like he had done for half the night, he couldn't help but stare at her; her long locks cascading over her shoulders softly, the way the dress hugged every curve of her body, how she lightly bounced her crossed leg, bare up to the knee as the dress bunched slightly.

"McNally," he said, walking up to her. He watched her head pop up, quickly followed by her fingers massaging her temple. "What are you doing out here?"

"I'm waiting for a cab. Apparently, at this hour there aren't many around," she said before closing her eyes again to stop the spinning of the room. She really shouldn't have had that last drink...or those last few drinks.

A cab? She was waiting for a cab? He never thought she'd look at another cab after Gail was kidnapped. And there was no way in hell he was letting her get in one now, especially in the state she was in. He glanced around, but already knew he hadn't seen most of her friends in a while. He'd seen Nick head to the coat room not long ago, but well, he wasn't leaving Andy with Nick with the way they guy had been staring at her all night.

Sam had sobered up from the drinks he had earlier in the night, so he decided he'd take her home himself. Frank had given him a room in the hotel for the night, the room reserved for his brother - the best man who missed his flight - but he'd easily pass up staying here if it meant he could keep Andy safe.

"McNally, let me take you home." She wanted to protest as his hand grabbed her arm to help her stand up, but the dizziness that followed prevented that. She wrapped her fingers over his shoulders as his hands found her waist to steady her.

While she may not have toppled over, the simple motion of standing up had made her nauseous. A hand flew over her mouth as she stumbled quickly to the bathroom nearby. He followed, but stayed just outside the door of the women's room. He leaned back against the wall, his head thudding gently against it as he listened to her empty the contents of her stomach. He struggled with going in after her, but decided to give her some privacy.

There was no way she was going to make it home riding in his truck if the simple motion of standing up made her sick. He was going against his better judgment, but decided the best thing was to let her sleep it off in his room here. He'd take her home in the morning.

Andy stepped out of the stall feeling only slightly better than when she'd walked in. She rinsed her mouth out in the sink and grabbed a handful of mints lying in a dish near the door of the swanky bathroom. She chomped down on them quickly to get the remaining taste out of her mouth before exiting the bathroom.

Still feeling unsteady on her feet, she immediately leaned up against the wall next to Sam. As she bent down to take her shoes off, Sam shuffled around until he was standing in front of her.

"You okay?" he asked.

Holding her shoes in one hand, her toes curling into the carpet in relief, she stared up at him. Without thinking about it, her free hand came up behind his head and dragged his mouth down to hers. She crushed her lips against his and licked her way into his mouth feverishly. Stunned, but enjoying the pleasure of her, Sam did nothing but respond eagerly. Maybe he wasn't as sober as he thought.

As quickly as she started the kiss, her hand found its way to his chest and pushed him away. She couldn't believe she'd just done that. Even drunk, she was not _that_ girl. "I'm sorry," she mumbled repeatedly as she pushed herself away from the wall. She needed to get away from him. She didn't want to hear him yell at her for doing that. He had a damn girlfriend for god's sake. What was she thinking?

Her attempt to escape was fouled as the lack of heels didn't make her anymore steady and she tripped over her own feet, collapsing to her knees. She stayed there for a moment, completely frustrated with how this night was turning out, but soon felt Sam's hands under her arms lifting her to a standing position and holding her steady.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was so stupid. I'm so - "

"Andy, it's fine. You're gonna sleep this off, okay? You can crash in my room until you've sobered up," he told her, guiding her down the hall to the elevator.

"Sam, I'm sorry. You have to know I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kiss you. It just happened," she babbled drunkenly as they made their way slowly to his room. Her usual allergy to silence was even worse right now. "I still love you and it just happened. I'm sorry. I know you...you have her. And I gave up, okay. I know when to quit. She's great, really. But I...I want to be her. I want you."

Sam let her talk without trying to interject. He knew her words were honest and that was what tore at his heart the most. She still loved him. Despite everything he'd done, she still loved him. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but he knew she'd never remember it come morning.

He supported most of her weight as she leaned against him while he fished his room key out of his pocket. Letting out a sigh, he pushed the door open and ushered her into the room.

As he shut the door behind them, he barely heard Andy whisper her next words. "I want you to want me."

"Andy...I..." He turned to face her as she leaned back against the wall to stay upright. Her eyes were closed, her breathing was light, just like it turned when she was about to fall asleep. He knew her telltale signs of being exhausted and about to pass out. A tightened smile strained his face as it pained him to hear her words and not be able to respond like he wished he could. "Let's get you to bed," he said, instead of confessing the thoughts he kept buried deep inside.

"Mmhmm," she responded as he pulled her from the wall. He knew if he left her to her own devices she'd collapse face first on the bed in her dress, so he pressed his eyes shut briefly, knowing what he was going to have to do.

He walked her over to the bed and with her back still facing him, he slowly unzipped her dress. Barely conscious, she let him undress her, stepping out of the dress as he brought it to the floor. She dropped her shoes, not caring where they fell. Sam tried not to stare at her lacy black underwear, knowing he had no right to see her like this anymore. He grabbed the shirt he'd worn earlier in the day, knowing it would give her more warmth than the thin t-shirt he planned to sleep in, and pulled it over her head as she sat down at the foot of the bed.

"Sit there for a minute, okay?" Getting a small nod in response, he fished out the aspirin from his suitcase and grabbed the large bottle of water the hotel left on the dresser. _Probably a $20 bottle of water_, he thought as he unscrewed the top and poured some into a plastic cup. But this was Andy, and well, it could be a hundred-dollar bottle of water and it wouldn't matter to him.

She sleepily accepted the water and aspirin, her eyes fighting to not close completely, before climbing up to the top of the bed. He helped her pull back the covers and watched as she snuggled under the warmth they provided. "Thank you, Sam," she said softly.

"Sleep well, Andy." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before shutting off the light next to the bed.

"Love you," she muttered as he walked away.

Sam froze as he picked up her dress. Her voice was so quiet, he'd barely heard her, but the words were clear. She said it again, that she still loved him. Gripping her dress tight in his hands, he squeezed his eyes shut and wondered why life had to be so difficult. He loved her, always had and never stopped. But, protecting her meant keeping her away from him. He was no good for her; she deserved someone who wasn't as screwed up as him. She deserved someone better.

He carefully hung her dress up in the closet, right next to where his suit came to rest a short time later. As he was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, he stopped and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked exhausted - circles under his eyes, crows feet more pronounced than usual, the nearly permanent frown etched on his face. But it wasn't the events of the day that had been tiring. It was the past several months. He knew it was time to admit to himself that faking it with Marlo, trying to make something work that was never meant to be, was exhausting.

When Marlo returned from Miami he was going to end things with her. He couldn't string her along when his heart wasn't into it. He still didn't know what that would mean for him and Andy, but he had to take this first step before he could figure out the rest of his life.

Feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, he shut off the bathroom light and, standing in the darkness of the doorway, he stared at Andy. "I love you, too," he whispered, knowing full well she wouldn't hear him - and maybe that was the exact reason _why_ he was able to say it.

Sometime in the night, Andy rolled over, unconsciously resting her head on his chest and throwing her arm over his torso as she'd done so many times before. It was a natural position for both, and Sam's arm, even in sleep, instinctively wrapped around her shoulders to hold her close.

It was the bright sunlight filtering in through the window that woke Andy up the next morning. She licked her dry lips and shifted around trying to figure out where she was and why her head pounded like there was a jackhammer in it. She pried her eyes open and immediately recognized the chest she was laying on. Her head flew up and she stared at Sam with wide eyes. It only lasted a second though as the sudden movement caused her to feel sick. Her hand covered her mouth as she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

Her movements had woken Sam up immediately, but he lay there groggily watching her sprint across the room and the bathroom door being slammed shut.

Andy was still slouched down next to the toilet when Sam knocked on the door a few minutes later. "McNally...Andy...you okay in there?"

She ignored him until he knocked harder and repeated the question. "I'm fine," she yelled back. Deciding she wasn't going to be sick again, she flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink. She splashed some water on her face and swished around some mouthwash she found on the counter. Not able to face Sam just yet, she turned around and leaned back against the counter.

She couldn't remember how she ended up in bed with Sam or what had happened. She had her underwear on, so that had to mean they hadn't _done_ anything, right? But why was she in his shirt? The more she struggled to remember, the more her head pounded. She pulled the sleeves of the shirt down over her hands and brought it up to her face. She pressed her nose to the fabric and inhaled the familiar scent of Sam. She'd missed that; missed the smell of him and how she'd always feel close to him when she stole his shirts to wear.

She sighed, realizing she had no idea what she did - what _they _did - last night. She wondered if she'd made a fool of herself. She couldn't get Sam off her mind for most of the night – at least the part she could remember – and she feared she may have thrown herself at him in some desperate and drunken state. She wanted to disappear, find a way to escape out of the hotel without having to walk past Sam. Basically, she wanted the impossible.

Sam waited patiently on the other side of the door. Well, maybe not patiently. He paced back and forth before busying himself with getting Andy's dress out of the closet and placing it on the bed for her. He wasn't sure what she was thinking; hell, he wasn't sure what _he _was thinking.

He heard the bathroom door creak open as Andy took a couple of tentative steps out. She tugged on the bottom of the shirt, wishing it covered more than just the top of her thighs. "Hi," she said sheepishly.

"Morning. You probably need this," he said, walking over to her with aspirin and water.

She took both eagerly. "Thanks."

Putting the cup down on the dresser, she glanced over at her dress and bit her bottom lip. "Um..."

"You don't remember anything do you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Did we, uh...Did anything happen?"

"No. You had a few too many drinks. I wasn't going to let you take a cab and, uh, the state you were in, crashing here seemed like a better option than a moving vehicle," he said, chuckling at the end.

"Thanks," she said with a small smile. "I, uh, should change." She picked up her dress and walked back to the bathroom.

Sam changed into his jeans and was just pulling a shirt over his head when Andy came back out. "Sorry you had to take care of me last night. I shouldn't have had so much to drink. There was just a lot going on yesterday," she admitted. She started drinking because she was having fun at the wedding, but instead of stopping herself when she knew she'd reached her limit, she kept going. It went from just having fun to trying to forget what Nick had confessed to her earlier in the night. She didn't want to hurt him, but she only thought of him as friend and there'd never be anything more. So, she'd kept drinking to try to ignore and forget the whole thing.

"S'ok, McNally. Give me a few minutes and I'll drive you home," he said, beginning to pack his things.

"You don't have to Sam. I'm fine now, I can grab a cab," she protested.

"No," he said sternly. Drunk or sober, he wasn't letting her take a cab. "I'm leaving anyway, so it's no problem for me to drop you off."

"Ok." Andy sat down on the bed watching him. When he came out of the bathroom, carrying his toiletries, Andy couldn't help but ask a question she'd wanted to know since she found herself in his t-shirt. "How did I, uh, get out of my dress?"

He dropped his stuff into his suitcase before turning around. "Um, well...I..." He wasn't really sure how to admit he'd undressed her.

Andy chuckled when a very rare occasion occurred; Sam Swarek blushed. "S'ok, Sam. Thanks for not letting me ruin my dress. I really love this thing," she said, smoothing down the bottom of the dress. "I mean it. Thank you for being such a good friend last night."

Friends, he knew that's what they were, but...hearing her say it was unsettling. "Andy, I..." He knew what he wanted to say, what he should say, but he couldn't force the words out. Men he knew didn't talk, didn't share their feelings, so this didn't come easy for him.

"No, Sam, I know this can't be good for you and Marlo, and I'm sorry if it screws anything up for you. But thank you for not letting me wander the streets drunk." Her lips curved into smile that quickly faded when Sam's face remained stoic.

"It's not..." He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep breath. "I need to ask you something that I have no right to ask. And I can't fully explain, which I know is going to be hard for you."

Andy stood up and took a couple steps toward him as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "You're scaring me. You know I'm here for you, whatever you need."

He looked up toward the ceiling, trying to find the right words. When his eyes came back down, they stared into Andy's soul, willing her to understand even though he couldn't spell it all out for her right now. "I need you to..." He shook his head, not liking the words that came out of his mouth. "Please wait for me. I need to do something, to do the right thing. I need to finish something. I can't tell you everything I want to right now. But, tell me you'll wait."

Her eyes filled with emotion as she swallowed thickly to keep herself in check. She pressed her lips together trying to comprehend what he was asking. She couldn't sit on the sidelines watching him play house with Marlo until he was tired of her or she tired of him. She couldn't hold out hope to only have him break her heart again later when he never came back to her. She couldn't stand by while he continued to move on and she sat there idly without anyone to love her.

When she shook her head, Sam's heart leaped into his throat. "I can't, Sam," she said, her voice cracking. "You've moved on. I can't wait and simply hold onto hope you'll love me again. It's not fair. I need to move on too." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, her lips lingering for a moment before she pulled back. "You will _always_ be a part of me, Sam, but I...I can't wait forever." Her bottom lip quivering, she turned away from him so he couldn't see the tears in her eyes. It was harder than she thought to say those words to him.

Sam watched her walk toward the door and lean against the wall waiting for him. He knew he deserved what she said, as much as it hurt. _He's_ the one that moved on and refused to admit his feelings when she returned from the taskforce. But he couldn't tell her how he truly felt until he told Marlo they were done. Marlo deserved that much, and Andy deserved not to think she was _that girl_ that broke them up because of a night in a hotel - as innocent as it was. It was his undying love for Andy that would be the reason for the breakup. And he needed time to find a way to make her understand her that.

He just hoped he wouldn't run out of time.

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The End.

_A/N: I know you all want to kill me for ending it there! In my mind, they end up happily ever after eventually...and it's that eventually that would make this many chapters, but I want to keep it a one-shot. :)_


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